Monday Musings on a Wednesday

I guess I went a while without posting. It happens. I don't lead the most exciting life in the world.

First things first, I made it to Talladega. First NASCAR race ever. It was interesting. And a lot of fun.

I had never thought I'd go to a NASCAR event but it's what Friend C wanted to do for her 40th birthday and why not? We met the most interesting people that you'd think you'd never talk to on our shuttle. Drank a lot of Yuengling. Saw a couple crashes. 

And surprisingly, we all acted like adults. So it was possible to have a big girl vacation and still drink and have fun. And yes, this got quoted the whole weekend.

How could we not?

I did get to come back to work on Tuesday to training, non stop work, and a firing. It was a great day of working 7:45 until...I don't even know when I left. But it was late. And that sucks. At least today things have calmed down. Minus the fact that we're down now two people. Awesome. 

Oh well, back to the grind. More training for me today. And when I get down, I just need to remember:

Pfffftttttt

Well, the weekend has come and gone and as always, it didn't disappoint without it's typical drama. Friend C not speaking to me, running out of church so she didn't have to talk to me. I had a date (yes, I do that some times) and a car ride with my mother where all she did was yap on about my niece and nephew.

Now, don't get my wrong. I love those two. But my mother cannot go longer than three minutes without saying something about them. It's a proven fact. And she has to tell me the same thing over and over. And over. Yes, I did know that O ordered something new when you went to dinner the other night. You've told me. Three times. And how grown up that is of him. And that he didn't like the horseradish sauce. Because I heard that three times as well. Along with their upcoming schedules, what else O ate when he as at her house, E's birthday gift (I will admit, that part was cool) and just....STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM. It's obnoxious. I actually have to tune her out most of the time when we go places together because it's all she can talk about. How sad is that?

I hurt my knee again today. Trying to put my sheets back on the bed. I was trying to tuck the ends in (hospital corners, be impressed) and instead of sitting on the floor, as I should have not even one month out of knee surgery, I got down in almost a catcher's position and....ow. Ow ow. My knee didn't like that. So, it still hurts. I still can’t get into child's pose with it. But I can kneel. So that's an improvement. But still, tonight, I hurt.

So yeah, that's it for today. Short, sweet and full of bitching. Did you expect less? Wait...

So yeah, happy Sunday. See you tomorrow.

Is It Bedtime Yet?

So this is how I'm feeling right now...

I should be sleeping right now but instead, I'm here, ready to complain. Really, I think that's what this blog is for, to complain. Here's what gets me today.

I have this friend. Friend C. When talking to friend C about things, such as the behavior of friend J, she'll totally agree with me. Friend J is crass, vulgar. Tons of fun but at times too much. And I can't deal with it on vacations anymore. And Friend C agrees even though when they are together, she jumps in and acts the same. Now, Friend C agrees that at turning 40 this year, she needs to grow up. And that Friend J, who is 40, needs to as well. And let's say, on our upcoming vacation, she doesn't want it to be a drunk fest because she wants to have fun and remember the trip. But....she gets around Friend J and everything she says to me goes out the door. Now here's my thing. If you want to act a certain way, do it. But don't say one thing to me and the minute you get around someone else, just throw all that out the door. Don't get me wrong. I admit to being totally prudish. But....there's a line you don't cross. And they do all the time.

Example: Friend J: "I have to go wash my twat now." For fucks sake, you're 40 years old. Say "I'm going to hop in the shower." There's no need to be vulgar and crass. We're not 20 year old college boys.  Friend C agreed with me. But last weekend when we went out of town she was the one throwing that word around /purposely/. And they had a discussion where they were using that and the C-word back and forth. I have a feeling that Friend C told Friend J my feelings before I could and that they were mocking me. Fine, mock me. But don't expect me to continue being friends with you and travel with you if this is how you're going to behave. At 44.5 years old, I'd like to have an adult vacation. Because you realize, you can have those /with/ adult inappropriateness which is still fun. You don't need to run around and discuss your ever bodily function every minute of the day. It's so disgusting and makes me wonder why I'm friends with them sometimes.

And Friend C is extremely moody (moodier than me). Case in point. You don't answer her texts, she'll be mad for days. But should I show the string of unanswered texts messages from me? Yet, that's acceptable? I'm not quite sure how that works. I'm assuming that's why she didn't speak one word to me at church today. That's fine. I got other things to worry about (see, sick aunt from post a few days ago).

I think my day was summed up when this came on the radio:

Me. Them. Everyone. Probably me though.

Friday Musings - Sarah

I have a fan. Her name is Sarah and she lives in South Korea. Wow. That sounds like a really bad pen pal online catfish story waiting to happen. Actually she's from the IL side as we like to say here in the Lou. We met...wow....eight, nine years ago online playing RP games on Twitter (yet another creeper sounding online story). But in all seriousness, she's been the net bestie I was looking for.

She lets me rant and rave and stupidest things, and she loves all the right things...

Well, she loves /more/ than Busch Stadium nachos. But its funny that at ten years younger than me, she gets me more than a lot of friends my age. She gets the geek in me; she /appreciates/ the geek in me. And she doesn't judge. Now, my friends here will say they don't. But they totally do. And that's fine because deep down, I judge them too. And Sarah? Well, she's a wee bit judgy too. But judgy about the right things. And that's where we have the most fun; judging others. Yes, that sounds horrible but, eh. It's what people do. At least we can admit it. And back in the RP days, we were the two man team you didn't want to mess with.

We even have mouse ears with Waldorf and Statler on them because...yes.

But I digress. It was awesome when we started talking to find out that she lived so close that we could meet up, go shopping, try on hats. And then we met the Mando....and things changed and we became....

And Sarah moved to go be happy. DAMN HER! hahaha. But hey, I still got to see her when she came home and I did go to her wedding which was awesome. But now, she's in South Korea due to the Mando's job. And living the life that I would never have to because she's so courageous. She's moved a few times without batting an eye whereas I've moved five minutes from my childhood home. She's fearless. And I wish I could be more like that. I'll live vicariously through her. Because she's the side of me that I've always wanted but could never have.

Well, as much as I could go on about Sarah for hours, I am at work and should probably do work. They do like to pay me to actually do that stuff. So I'll just leave at this...

I miss you!!!

The One That Came First

So I decided the other night I needed a blog. Why? I don't know. I have a lot going on, a brain that just won't shut off. And there are things that I want to say but just don't have people to say it to. Or that I don't want to say it to. You know, it can't go on twitter or facebook because it's about /those/ people.

Anywho, like I said, my mind just doesn't shut off. When I try to sleep, it's the worst. That's when everything from the day, or days before, comes rushing back and everything I've wanted to say hits me. And I spend hours coming up with replies to people that will never get said.

 I think Facebook summed it up perfectly for me the other day:

Because seriously, that's what happens. Two hours of trying to fall asleep, thinking about everything that's happened this week, why I'm mad at whoever, what I didn't say, what I should say, and what I never will say. Add that with a very sick aunt, a mother who cracking because of said sick aunt, a brother who doesn't do crap about either, a cousin and uncle who are in a sort of fog that nothing is wrong with said aunt and you have one very tired, stressed 44.5 year old.

I also stress out over my health. Yes, my father died of everything under the sun because he didn't take care of himself and I refuse to let that happen to me. So I go overboard to make sure that I'm at a decent weight (and sadly, if you read online, at 5'4 at 138, I'm still considered "overweight"). So yes, I have some issues there. When I look in the mirror, I still see the girl who weighed 250 pounds. It's a hard thing to shake and I don't think people who haven't been in that place understand. My friends and boss have told me that I need to just "knock it off" and stop obsessing but if you haven't been in my shoes, can you understand? I've worked hard to lose over 100 pounds, so you think I should just toss back a cheeseburger and fries willy nilly and it's okay? It's not. I can just look at the candy dish on my desk and gain three pounds. Yes, I work out everyday but guess what, I /have/ to. I don't have a metabolism that just works perfectly. I have to work at this. And if I don't, I gain. So telling me to just lay off or don't get crazy and whatever, it doesn't work. Being conscious of my actions is what's getting to a goal. Did I flip out because over the weekend I went out of town, ate and drank like crap and gained four pounds (of yes, dear readers, water weight)? Yes, yes I did. But if I don't, then I'll think I can do that all the time and before I know, 4 becomes 10, 10 becomes 20. And you get the gist.

So yes, I have issues. Mind games I play with myself. I'm down from a size 22 to a 16. To a 12. To a 10 to an 8 now to a 6. And I want to stay there. So while I want to tell people to back the fuck off, I won't. I'll quietly nod my head and let them know that while I appreciate their concern, I know what I'm doing and I'm just fine.

Really....I am....

...or not. We'll see.